Wheels on Meals
Review
Format: Subtitled VHS
Stars: Yuen Biao, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Benny Urquidez, Keith Vitali

A movie with the three brothers. Good. That means a good movie. Without failure, it works every time. Wheels on Meals is a very VERY popular movie, probably because it had a comic book and made a big impression in Japan. Plus, it introduced us to some whities who could move as good, if not better, than most HK actors. These 2 men were Benny Urquidez, also known as The Jet, and Keith Vitali, the latter I haven't heard much of. Urquidez, he was in Dragons Forever, and man he's good. I'll get into that at the end.

WOM isn't chock full of action. Actually, it has a VERY VERY good blend of comedy, action, and some story thrown in. It's probably the funniest Lucky Stars movie (even better than Winners and Sinners) that I've ever seen. The humor is so slapstick yet witty that you can't help but laugh. It's stupidly funny. I love it. And Biao and Jackie are the ones with the woman this time. Sammo, eh, he's more of a trouble maker like in Project A, yet he's a hired investigator.

Ok the plot doesn't matter. It's really kinda stupid. But Jackie and Biao do some good action and other odd stunts here and there. To start it off, they train. Here, the two of them show off a flurry of kicks, which are training kicks so they just look good, and some punches. Jackie punches, Biao moves. It's good, trust me. Later on, Jackie and Biao, doing their job, take on skateboards to deliver food. It's impressive, really. Jackie can skateboard, but there are times when he's moving around as though on skates, which he was. So, he didn't skateboard the whole time. That's ok, he did do a back handspring onto one. Biao can skate too. They're both impressive. I still can't see how Jackie made it big and at the same time Biao didn't.

Ok, big deal they can skate. So can I, right? Fast forward to near the end. Sammo is in the van, which takes a turn going maybe 35 miles per hour, and he jumps out over the road to a slope. That's Sammo work, and if your waist is over 42 inches, can you do that? Later on (or maybe beforehand, dunno), Biao and Jackie take on Urquidez and Vitali (who I'll get into later), respectively. I like this scene. Both Vitali and Benny are really awesome. They're a flurry of movements that blend awesomely well, and although it's a short segment, which is meant to let you know what Jackie and Biao are up against, it's sweet and a good way to lead up to the next part.

Fast forward again to the end, where they invade the castle at night. Jackie climbs a 30 foot wall by putting sticks (not plancks you can step on, you loggers out there) into little holes (just 2 sticks, he has to be economical) and making his way upward. Of course, he has to swing himself around to do this. It's a good Jackie moment. When they make it inside, a fight ensues for a good 12 or 15 minutes. I'll start with Sammo. He takes on a swordsman. I dunno who he was, but the audience was expected to believe that he was White, but he had an Asian double, so let's just focus on Sammo. He fences without a sword for some time. Flinging himself all over the place, he avoids a sword, something many people can't do. Then he equips himself with one, fences, looks impressive, equips one more, uses both of them, impresses, and that's it. That's all you see of Sammo. I didn't particularly like that because Sammo has some talent that wasn't used here. Too bad.

Biao fights Keith Vitali, someone I hadn't heard of before, and hadn't heard from since. Vitali is good, exceptional. He can look good while moving, which gives him an edge over basically all whitie actors besides a handful. He and Biao do a little fighting, but a lot of the time Biao is jumping all over the place to avoid the 6'3 kicker. Biao accomplishes some awesome feats. He pummels a BIG table without a problem, twice, jumps into a niche in a wall for a second before rolling onto the headboard of a couch (or whatever that part is called, the piece on top), and stands on top of a big table, does a front flip, and lands, seated, in a chair, and then jumps over a table into another chair, all in one small scene, plus some other stuff. Biao is a movement master. That's obvious. Vitali is fast and did a great job of keeping up with Biao. I dunno what condition the guy is in now because Wheels on Meals was made around 1984 or something, so maybe he's too old to move now. I don't know. Just to let you all know, though, this guy is good. So keep an eye out for something that he may have been in before.

Ok. Jackie Chan's best fight ever is probably a toss between this next one and the last one with Ken Lo in Drunken Master 2. Perhaps because they're so different in nature, there is no final ruling. DM2's fight is classic Drunken Style, this one's boxing, good, fast, insanely fast, boxing. Chan has never looked so good boxing before. When he's boxing, you think he could take Stallone, Van Damme, and Dolph Lungren all at once and walk away smiling within a half minute. Urquidez, his opponent here, matches him. There's no question, Benny Urquidez is the exception to the He is the exception to the white-men-can't-move-as-fast-as-Jackie rule. I think he's even better looking than Vitali. Benny is probably no taller than 5'6, which is 4 inches shorter than Jackie, and he makes every inch of that body do exactly what he wants it to do. If he wants to do kick, he kicks without delay. And next to that, you just have to look at him in Wheels on Meals to realize that he's a tough guy. Van Damme has to make a grimmace, Benny just looks a few centimeters away from the camera. That should give you a vague idea as to my opinion of him. It seems as though he did all the training that Jackie did, and they make the fight work so well that it made the movie worth the wait. Actually it made the movie worthLESS, because it's such a highlight that.. ok enough, I'll just describe it.

At the start, the two of them are just beginning. Sammo's trying to get out the door, after trying with Benny, and the Jet doesn't want him to leave. So Jackie is holding Benny back. A punch of punches from Benny, Sammo sweeps, he jumps out of the way, but Jackie jumps and holds him against the wall and jumps away, holding Benny, as Sammo runs. The two of them on the ground, they do some rolls and footwork that you have to watch probably 7 times to understand, but Benny kicks, blocked, Jackie does a front handspring from a sitting position to avoid a kick from Benny which goes almost to a forward roll, Jackie recovers doing the splits downward while Benny rolls away, Jackie lunges forward with a punch to Benny's face as he backs off. You'll have to see it. Next, and here's what I like in choreography, Benny is taking off his coat and Jackie, seeing that it's an opportunity to strike, lunges forward but Benny already saw this coming and does a reverse kick to Jackie's stomach. Very good choreography, everything had a meaning here. Benny goes again to Jackie by kicking, Jackie ducks, 2 punches to Jackie, blocked, Benny goes underneath with a hopeful sweep, Jackie lifts his leg to avoid, Benny uses the same leg, already ready, to kick Jackie in the face while he's busy putting his foot back down and turning the other way to find Benny. Again, a small sequence has so much happening that it has to be watched over and over. Jackie has the need to pull off his sweater because, in fighting, you can't wear a jacket or warm material, that's a rule. As he's pulling it off, Benny attacks but remembers what he did to Jackie when he took his own jacket off, he did a reverse kick to the stomach, so he goes in more quickly but Jackie just holds his foot out as he falls back to stop Benny, kicks him once more, and pulls the damn thing off. HA! Jackie tries to get some more hits by throwing 2 spaced out punches at Benny, both blocked, both of which Jackie leaned forward to throw, so he figures, 'why not fake forward, lean backward and catch him off guard?' Benny, seeing the fake, throws a chop to Jackie's face that I've tried to replicate but I can't get my arm to swing that quickly.

Later on, after some Biao action that I've already covered, they back up into the dinner table, where Jackie's pinned against his back and Benny's throwing punches like mad. When Jackie pushes him away, Benny goes for a reverse roundhouse which blows out the candles behind where Jackie ducks. It's amazing what you can do to make someone look so fast. Totally effective. More and more of this stuff, new material, good moves, everything works. They pin eachother on the floor, throw series of punches, kicks, knees, elbows, and Jackie does one of the best roundhouses I've ever seen where he gets his head a few inches off the ground!

This is one of my favorite fights ever on HK cinema. I'd go into detail more, but I think I've overdone it by a long shot. One could analyze this fight like a well written piece of literature if they wanted. These movements HAVE A PURPOSE. Jackie punched there because it was the BEST place to punch. Benny blocked and returned the punch or kick because Jackie was open there. Whatever it was, it was well done. This is the kind of stuff in Prodigal Son. You see a serious event occur, and you can trace it back and see why it happened. THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO HIT EACHOTHER. It's so well done, and it's the choreography AND the actors that make the fight. You can't have a good fight without either one slacking or even lacking in the least bit.

I'd give the movie a 10/10 if it had a little more than that good fight and the small Biao fight, but I can't do that. It'd be too generous.

8/10 for the movie itself
10/10 for that fight. It's almost a dance. It's one you gotta rent the movie for, or just buy the damn thing. If you're a fan of choreography, get this movie. If you're looking for mindless boxing, get Blacksheep Affair. This one'll get you lost.

UPDATE 10/9 - Rating System Change

4/5 - Basically for the last batch of fights, especially the one with The Jet.

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